My Fun Loving Barbie Gurl Kelly..

Today was the day I discovered my maternal instinct in its most active and complete gear. As much as I was hyped to be the normal outraged mummy whose daughter left her without a hitch on what is going on, I held my composure as a mature thinking adult to enable a god-inspired calmness to overwhelm me whilst confronting the delicate and sensitive issue of a run-away daughter. Moved by a strong desire to halt the vicious contemplations of the mind and the persistent reports, I bravely decided after Razak’s wedding gig on Sunday 24th Nov. 2013 12.30am to take a slow drive to Kuala Kedah. We brought Puteri Ruzanna & Megat Abd Rahim with us to enable a quick school holiday get-away. With a mere RM500 from the earning after the gig and RM100 in the purse, we made out for the adventure with our old loyal and trusted 20 year old Mazda 626. We reached Kuala Kedah in time for the 9.30am ferry. All new to the experience, we had our car parked by a so-called parking attendant well away from the terminal at a covered parking lot for a fee of RM60 for 2 days. Before anything can happen, we were swiftly taken off by the feet by a self-proclaimed agent by the name of En. Zainal (Cikgu) who talked us into paying a 20% deposit for a 2 day stay in a chalet at Grand Beach Motel (sounds too good to be true) for RM170 a day and a 2 day hire of a Viva at RM140. We sincerely trusted the arrangements and relented that we were in good hands. We paid for our ferry tickets @ RM23X3 + 17= RM86.00 and boarded for our 1 hour 45 mins journey to the Island of Mahsuri. Our mission to seek our fun loving Barbie Gurl Kelly and adventure to the legendary land of Mahsuri has begun.. The Ferry Ride was smooth but uncomfortable as it felt like we were riding with the labourers and villagers. We had to bear the brunt of fishy odours and unbearable BO for the whole journey, not to mention loud speaking passengers having a never ending conversation for all to eaves drop. Not seeming out-rightly arrogant. but I was particularly irritated that I paid RM23 per head to endure this. Regardless, it was an experience. We arrived at the island jetty/terminal approximately at 11.15am. No VIVA Rent A Car Mr Rosli appeared as assured by Cikgu. Nevertheless, we walked to the front of the building where KFC was to inquire at the counter. My hand-phone battery was totally discharged. I was unable to make any calls until we entered KFC to have a shared snack plate and drinks whilst getting the phone charged. We hung around for almost an hour before VIVA Rent A Car Mr Rosli finally appeared. He led us all luggage carrying passengers and children walking to the car park to a car where he drove us to his so-called office (in a shop selling pre-loved jeans) to get the promised Viva. Another round of waiting and we were ultimately handed the keys to a WIRA. Phew ! Razak drove the car as we were verbally instructed, all the way to Pantai Cenang. It was a beautiful ride taking us through a scenic view of naturally preserved surroundings. It wasn’t difficult to find Grand Beach Motel. Even though our expectation was a little down trodden with the in-housekeeping and services, I kind of liked the quaintly built chalet which was situated directly in front of a white sandy beach and turquoise green sea. We were in easy access to all of the other guest houses and bars along the same. It made our mission much of a simpler task. We were all terribly exhausted from the drive, ferry ride and waiting. We refreshed and took a much-needed rest after checking into Grand Rm No. 10 Lower Ground. At about 5pm, both Razak and I took a drive down to Aseania Resort & Spa on our first endeavour to locate Kelly. To our amazement and disappointment, we were told that she was not under their employ. Now where do we head, and what do we do next ??!! Our cash in hand was left to only RM10 in one ringgit notes. We were in panic mode. How are we for meals and how are we to go home after??! We made some SOS calls. We enabled an advance of RM600 for a recording session scheduled next week at RTM from Eliza. Syukur Alhamdulillah.. In excitement, we woke the children up. We packed them into the car to look for a decent place to have dinner after checking in vain on the whereabouts of Happy Hut Guest House (the only lead we have to look for Kelly). Finally we just walked into Papadom Ria and had Cheese Nan, Humus and a shared plate of Chicken Briyani the first meal for the day. Razak managed to treat himself to a whiff of an Arabic concoction of Shisha in its true tradition prepared by a Palestinian, Mohamed. Meantime, still adamant about not informing Kelly we were there, Puteri had a whatsapp conversation with her whilst trying to coax her into telling us where she is exactly. After Papadom Ria, we walked along the Cenang Street to ask the locals where Happy Hut is located. Finally we were told of the exact whereabouts and headed there. True to its name, Happy Hut is a simple hippy cultured managed guest house with a happy go lucky ambience. It is very much hidden from the hussle & bussle of the Cenang Street and owned by Zee, a young girl from KL. It took us a while to realize that it is only a stone’s throw from where we stayed at Grand Beach Motel. As I walked in through the door, I was met by a group of young ladies seated on a mat by the reception counter of the guesthouse. I asked one of the girls whether she knew my Kelly. One other girl who was lying down behind her, was obviously startled to hear me and immediately stood up upon realizing that it was me. She was none other than the best friend of my Kelly, Shameela! So, I’ve hit the nail on the wall and voila, I have discovered their hideout. First task of the mission solved! Not wanting to interrogate after the emotional greetings, I was told that Kelly doesn’t stay in Happy Hut. She is at Amzar, Almost instantly, Shameela instructed one of her other friends to get the motorbike. She then drives off telling us that she is going to do an errand and will locate Kelly. The time was 9pm. We walked over to Sunset Beach Resort to chat with the front desk receptionists and used their washroom. We were informed that Happy Hut had a questionable presence in the street after its existence 3 months ago. They observed that the guest house was managed by a young girl who had a group of girls also staying in the same house. Many of their occupants were back packing foreigners who were loud and unruly. Obviously the locals were not too happy of their infestation. One of the ladies’ recognised my Kelly and told us that they have not seen her in the past month. They acknowledged that Kelly was probably an occupant of Happy Hut for a short while in the months earlier. Shameela requested that we waited for her and so we did at the nearest street café where we had our round of Ice Lemon Tea & ‘Teh” Tarik. It was 9.20 then and we decided to wait until 11pm to meet Kelly or for her to show up after all. It was exactly 10pm when we finally saw her literally running down the street, beaming in a happy smile, screaming in joy at the first sight of us! She came first to me, hugging and kissing like she has not seen me in a thousand years. Puteri & Adik was overjoyed and as she sat down after the greetings, the excitement cooled off to a serious conversation and a sombre confrontation. I began to narrate on the reason of our sudden appearance and spontaneous decision to travel to seek for her in Langkawi. Slowly, I went on to ask her why she had to lie about her employment and whereabouts or activities. Surely, I began to unravel the truth of her migration and intentions. It was the maternal instinct after the usual barricade of selfish emotional ranting I made known to her and her simple and yet innocent admission to her mistakes and reasoning for her decision to be where she is. She confessed that she only took up the employment at Aseania for a short stint and didn’t like the office politics. She is no longer working up to the time I saw her. Kelly spent the night with us at Grand Beach Motel. We walked by the beach and went to Ilyas’ Place to watch a 3 piece live band. We had pineapple juice, coca cola & sprite with Nachos on the sides. We met Hisham the regular drunkard who amused Adik and us with his drunken antics. After this, we walked back to the Chalet. Both Razak & I decided to bunk in whilst Kelly and her adik2 took the car to have their time out. I have yet to hear the story of their time together from Puteri. I am sure they enjoyed it. The next morning we were up early. We checked out of the Motel hoping to get into another at a better price. All of us wanted to stay another day if the cost of a guesthouse can accommodate the amount of cash we had left. We had breakfast at a Mamak stall with Razak having Cheese Naan and the rest of us Nasi Tomato. After this, we headed out to check the cost of staying another day at another guesthouse. We didn’t realize that it is the Peak Season in Langkawi and the prices are a lot higher than when it is low season. We checked Melati Tanjung, Mali Best, The White Lodge, Sunset Beach Resort, AB Motel in vain to find that rates were not anything different or cheaper than it is at Grand Beach. Not wanting to waste time, we drove to Pekan Kuah and drove through the Mahsuri Musoleum. We didn’t get to view the inside of the same as there was cover charge or which we obviously couldn’t afford. We would have also gone to Telaga Tujuh Waterfall but didn’t get there. Instead we drove to Cenang Mall. There, we reluctantly sold my Samsung Grand Duos Hand Phone for RM450 to top up the cash in hand that we are left with to enable us to go home by 4pm the same day. We had lunch at Old Town Coffee in Cenang Mall, visited Underwater World Duty Free Shop and strolled along the Pantai Cenang Street together before going to the beach for a drink and enjoy the sea breeze. We left the beach at 4pm, sent Kelly back to her house and made out to return the rented Wira and the Ferry Terminal. We managed to buy tickets for the 6pm ferry at the same price as before and to our amazement, we boarded a very decent ferry with nicer interior décor and more exclusive service. Talking about being had the first time we arrived. The sea was a little rough as the ferry swayed against the waves. We felt a little and almost sea-sick but we finally arrived at the Kuala Kedah terminal safe and sound. Alhamdulillah. On arrival, we had to put out a search for our parked car, as the parking attendant that issued the receipt on recommending the shaded parking lot is nowhere to be found! A kind taxi driver, assisted us and we finally found the car quite well away from the terminal but all intact. The only unfortunate thing is, we didn’t get back our used parking fees for the next day. Regardless, we embarked for our journey home. After a few stops to rest along the way, we arrived home safe and sound at 6am Wed 27th November 2013, all mission accomplished. As I See it, From the Eye of a Mother It was all so heart wrecking to first lay eyes on my Kelly as I watched her running down the street obliviously innocent, totally emotional to discover the surprise of having us come all the way to meet/seek her. I could feel that she waited for the attention that has cost her so much to earn. I saw the hurt in her eyes as she discovered how mistaken she was to have lied about working and where she stayed. It hurt her even more when I mentioned about the assumptions made over her situation from the people she loved back home, especially the assumption on what she would be doing or is capable of being influenced to do. She began to tell me in not so many words, answering to the questions and conclusions we have made about her. I felt totally wrong for doubting her as my daughter and flesh and blood. I felt very disappointed for thinking that she would do the things that have been implied to me that she would do. I should have known her better. Knowing me, I would have done the same for all my children and not only her. I will be the first to run and deal with the situation and hear the story from the horse’s mouth. I watched her for the whole time that I had her, basked in the beauty of Langkawi, the laid back culture and easy living. I have always known Kelly to be a very sensitive, dream lover and creative person that she is. It is a nature that is complex and yet very simple and innocent in character. She lives by her own rules, has her own mind and is determined over her ambitions/needs. She is a hopeless romantic and has a very loving and extremely private and very sensitive soul. She can live with minimal needs to enable her to enjoy her freedom and has the least expectations. I know of her nature from the time I took her back from her father way back when she began to stay with me in her teenage years. She began her journey and adventures then. She took leave from her father and stepmom to be a part of my life as her mother. She relented to all the misadventure and contributed to her share of sacrifices. As she finished elementary school, she expressed her intention to study as a Graphic Designer. As parents, we consented and enabled her to realize her ambitions. She wanted to stay in the hostel and we consented. As it were, the hostel had an incident of mass hysteria, so she came home to commute for classes every day. Time passed and Kelly was not happy about SEGi College or the course that she was pursuing. She asked to move on to study Business Management on the advice of her dad. She could have taken it anywhere in KL but decided to be in MMU Melaka, her second adventure away from home. We relented, totally submitting ourselves to Allah to guide and protect her. Kelly went through a tumultuous three years in Melaka coming home every time she could during weekends. This was then not too far for me to intervene and made it happen for her whenever she needed me. Kelly had to repeat one paper in her final year and on completion she came home only to stay for a month before she decided again on her next adventure. This time, she wanted to follow her friend Shameela to stay in Langkawi. Her endeavour was to be able to seek independence, enjoy her freedom and help her mummy financially when she is settled at work. I made sense of what triggered her to do this despite assumptions that she is following her heart over another love affair. She stayed at the Happy Hut Guesthouse temporarily until she found a place of her own. Shameela helped her financially for starters. She is not sharing her place of dwelling with any man and is not involved in any back street activities. She is just living day to day, enjoying her independence and freedom, picking out to help her friends in odd jobs before getting a fulltime employment in a proper office/organisation. She is not bar hopping either because there is not much of anything at the bars that can be so exciting. She doesn’t drink and she swears that she doesn’t do drugs or solicitation. She brought me to view her house without the need to hide anything from me and nothing in the house tells me that she is sharing it. The sadness for me is to know that she is living in the minimal when she could have a room with all the amenities available to her for free at home and a lot of love that comes within it. The Motherly Instinct & Analysis Khaleilah ran away from home. She was hurt by all that was said and assumed of her. She wanted to get away after all the studying in Melaka and the bad experiences. She couldn’t take the pressure of expectations by the family. She just wanted space. Not forever, but at least for a good while to get her composure. She wanted the privacy and she wanted the respect. She found herself in Langkawi and she loved the comfort it provided where she could be herself. We were constantly barricading her with abusive emotional words and hurled inconclusive assumptions about her most innocent intentions which left her inexpressive to express how she truly felt. We abandoned her when she needed us most. We shut down from listening to her inner being. We were only interested to achieve what we wanted of her. We didn’t want to accept that she had grown up into the young lady with an ambition or her very own wishes for her future and life. I put myself in her shoe, as a very spontaneous decision maker as I am and her mother whose blood runs in her, I would do the very same. I had to leave before the cash ran out on me again the next day although my heart wrecked for not being able to stay another day as planned. The heart was heavy and emotional to leave Kelly without having to hand her more than RM20. As I left her house, I had mixed feelings. I wish I could just wrench her in the car and bring her home but it would be disrespecting her and her newfound happiness and freedom. She was just another individual who wanted her stories told with pomp and colour; maybe not in a journal or a novel but at least in her day to day diary for her private time capsule. I said my farewell with hidden sadness and tears welled in silence. Letting go is hardest for any mother but it may be for the best of both. To me and the family, I say let her be and send her blessings with sincere prayers so she is unharmed and constantly guided. I say let her be so she can appreciate the family’s consent, respect and understanding for her decisions. I say let her enjoy her freedom and independence so she learns from the trials and tribulations. I trust and believe in faith that she will not let us down. I trust and believe in faith that she will carry the family’s traditions. I trust and believe that she will come home in good time and we will discover herself as a newfound individual with a character that we can be very proud of. She is family, she is our flesh and blood and she is a part of us we can never shed. Wish her well ! We have wronged her for judging and assuming. We have wronged her for thinking that she is bad. We have wronged her for intruding into her privacy and making her look like a criminal She is just my young girl Kelly looking to be herself. If she comes home to us, we are blessed for she still has respect, love and bond with the family. Receive her in forgiveness and open the books for a new volume and chapter without ever looking back at the past. Allah will open the path a lot wider for us as a united family in the future. My dearest daughter Nurkhaleilah Diyana .. I have never restricted you to having your freedom. I believe that everyone should have their life experience as they so please. I have never once neglected to think, feel or care for you. In my difficult moments, in my sickness, I have always had you in my thoughts and prayers. I gave you all of these, in the hope that you will always remember my advice and principle values in life. I gave you all of these too, in the hope that you will remember how special I am in my personal attributes or the way I bring up all of my children, as special individuals too. I don’t shower you with wealth or material, but I believe in showering you will all my attention and affection. I would rather be remembered for the love that I give than for all the material wealth that I can leave behind. It is everlasting and I know if I can realize this, then I will live in the hearts of my children forever, especially you because you remind me of me…. Remember that Ayah and Adik-Adik all love you; your sisters and brother too. I reckon I should say Daddy loves you fiercely too. Don’t ever discount this even in the moments when you think you have been betrayed but their slightest moments of anger or show of words. They all mean well. They and I am concerned about your well-being. We are concerned about your heritage and fear that you may drift to discard the values and traditions we have brought you up with. We do not want you to sacrifice your reputation or the family’s because of your desperate need to seek your independence. We do not want anyone else to misconstrue or judge you indifferently. We are also worried about your safety and a whole barrage of things…the list goes on. We now have to let go in the name of your happiness and just keep praying. You have completed your mission to run away as you have always wanted to do. Langkawi is far enough girl, because further than this will kill me from having you away even if 4months is just a short duration for you. My love for you is unthinkable. Remember that. I will always be there for even when you are in the pits of hell to exchange places. What hurts you, hurts me, like if you were pinched, I will feel it too. I could feel your heart break when you lost Izwan, I can feel you when you miss me and I can feel your depression even when you are 1,500 km away from me. I will ache when you are unwell and I will be in pain when you are. Remember this! If you feel the same as I do, you will come home by the 31st of December 2013 as promised, with a renewed vigour and start your life with the family on your terms and new aspirations. I pray you will then be blessed with a future meant for you as written by Allah in Loh Mahfuz even before time. InsyaAllah.. From your one & only and ole’ Mummy, with hugs, much love & kisses ! My dua for you, “Robbij’alni Muqimussalati wa Min Zurriyati Rabbana wa Taqabbal Dua”. Please don’t forget your responsibilities as a muslim and your daily solat. I place my trust that you will not disappoint or put me and the family to shame. I have always known that you were special and will be exemplary to your younger siblings. I have forgiven you and will always forgive you, for as long as I am your mother, for all eternity. I have the least of time in your youth to be with you and I don’t know if I can be there for adik-adik as much as I have been for Kak Aina, Kak Gja, You & Wok. Be thankful that I can still brave the journey to seek you. I am not getting any younger and there will be a time when I will just wait to see you. Time is precious and life is short..

1819 Couture Handmade Soap

1819 Couture Soaps are handmade soaps using quality oils blended with essential oils and herbs and made using the cold pressed method. The soaps smell lovely without that sharp chemical smell and do not contain animal fat, sodium laureth sulfate and preservatives. Above all, I think they are presented very well and make great gifts!



The flavours presently available are:-

Lemon & Poppyseed - Fresh smelling lemon with poppyseeds embeded in the soap.

Valencia Orange - Another favourite because it smells so fresh of oranges.

English Rose – A fresh light rose scent. Not too musky or powdery.

Coffee – Perfect for coffee lovers and for skin exfoliation Lovely pick me up in the mornings before your morning cuppa!

Honey & Oatmeal – Smells sweet and good enough to eat! The oatmeal offers some exfoliation of the skin and this one’s good for dry skin as it helps moisturise the skin.

Lavender - A top seller and I can see why! Lovely fresh lavender smell – no sharp chemical smell just a relaxing scent that calms you at the end of a long day.

I love that it is labeled “Non Edible – Do Not Eat”! Its such a tongue in cheek way of saying that its good enough to eat but you’re advised not to And the name too 1819 Couture Soaps sound luxurious which belies the price. Each piece of soap is wrapped with a label telling you the soap ingredients and what its for. At the top of each piece of soap is a sprinkling of the key ingredients. Its a lovely touch that is aesthetically pleasing.

I’ve used them and I find them non drying on the skin. They don’t promise to cure skin ailments like other soaps do, but they do smell lovely and feel lovely on the skin.

The retail prices for the soaps are:-
 RM 12 each
 RM30 for 3 bars
 RM60 for 6 bars with a free gift
 Delivery charges within Kuala Lumpur and Petaling Jaya is RM6 but its free for purchases of 12 bars of soap and above.


Inquiries welcomed. Please write to : shahidah8362@gmail.com

In memory of my darling Rafael..

As per the calendar it would be exactly 31 days since you left us, a good full moon/month. You would be exact 3 yrs 19 days today since your last birthday on the 8th July 2011.

We miss you Abang…

It has come to dawn on us if we could have done better in terms of giving you the extension of time to survive longer than had been anticipated by the medical world. We are starting to feel guilty. I wonder if anyone could comfort us over this. We know only God knows the underlying truth of your illness, the treatments given and why you suddenly left us. Yes, we have to relent and we keep telling ourselves this. We try to console ourselves that we have done the best. All this battle of feelings we breezed through and it was easier in the first week. It doesn’t get any easier the next week and after or now. It gets to the core of the heart, pinching the very nerves of our living being as we come to terms of the reality of your moving on and eternal departure. We have to live through this pain for as long as before our time is up. The waiting is longer as we anticipate the Day of Judgment before we will know if we can see you at all.

Every possible question comes up to us in the most quaint manner as in.. Abang :

Where are you now ?
What are you doing?
Do you remember to come see us sometimes or are you too preoccupied with all the happiness and love you are getting from the after world and His Al Mighty ?
Would you pray for us?
Would you remember us?

All this and more…

Every nook and corner, every resemblance from the genes you inherit, brings about shock tremors to our heart and memory of you. How do we recover from this? It’s so easy for everyone to say, “Be strong, relent and say a prayer “. It doesn’t quite heal save for that moment. The feeling of knowing that we have lost you all comes rushing back and we can’t resist the insurgent rush of emotions. Crying is the only reflex we have been born to express ourselves with and relieve ourselves from the unexplained craving over our loss of you.

I personally sent you off and I imagined you on the colorful tribute balloon. You smiled at us and said your farewell to your favorite Aunt in a manner most could not have imagined to be true, but you did. If there was a way we could turn back the hands of time or go into a time machine to just be with you a little while longer, we would strive to enable that.

We just have to go on praying that you are in a better place amidst saints, angels and the presence of Allah enjoying eternal happiness and joy.

Al Fatihah..


In the name of god, the most beneficent, the most merciful
All appreciation, gratefulness and thankfulness are to Allah alone, lord of the worlds
The most beneficent, the most merciful
The possessor of the day of recompense (i.e., on the last day of judgment)
You we worship, and you we seek help
Direct all of us to the straight path (i.e., to the way of Islam)
The way of those on whom you have bestowed your grace, not the way of those who have earned your anger, nor of those who have lost their way and are astray

My inaugural experience amongst the rock musicians & giants of the local music industry…

I felt it in my bones to record this whilst I had the words to express..

I have been singing seriously since the hay-days of Ray Fabee & Brothers & Soul. I was mostly in the R&B Jazz genre circle, followed as an observer and audience whenever Razak had jammed sessions at functions where Blues Gang, Po-E, Lord or Search was playing; never quite mingled with the fraternity. Honestly, I felt a little inferior if you might say so.

Last night, Sunday 17th July 2011, both Razak and I were invited to perform with Junk Secret (on a serious note, I don’t know why the band was called such), Dr Faza Yakin, Dino & Arab for yesterday’s Red Rooster Club Reunion. I was privileged to be given a slot to deliver one song. I must say, it was a historical and meaningful event for me. I have been invited for many such appearance, not even comparable to the opening act I did at Laura Fygi,’s concert sometime ago, but believe me, I was indeed astoundingly honored to be a part of this congregation and mini concert.

Perhaps it is my reserved and formal upbringing. Perhaps it is also because I am in between the corporate and music world that I exude the aura of arrogance (I must admit). Perhaps it is because I don’t indulge in the pleasures of the normal musician save for my fierce passion about music. I don’t know.. I really feel I don’t fit. They don’t seem to give their consent in accepting me. Even the crowd seemed estranged and couldn’t feel my existence. As the night unfolds, the crowd streamed in, in trifolds and I became a total nervous wreck to top off my feelings of not being accepted and crowded with inhibitions.

But….

The moment I was announced to step up the stage, I could sense a short pause of minute silence as though everyone was saying, hey, could this be a grave mistake ?! Did the MC announced correctly ?

As Razak gave the intro, I became, as usual, lovestruck as he had initially Killed Me With His Song a long time ago, and I just gave in to my feelings and rendered my song the way I knew how. It felt as though I was pouring out my guts into the audience. It was the music from my heart and from my soul. The melody just flew out like waves flowing into the shores from the ocean. I couldn’t make out anyone from the stage. It was like I was singing to myself.

Suddenly the camera shutters went crazy and I couldn’t make out what was happening in front of me. Whatever it is, it felt good. As I concluded my last verse giving a satisfied climax to my song, I heard the applause. So, I am not that discounted in my ability or talent. Thanks to all ..

As I descended from the stage, and disappeared into the crowd., yet again, I became the invisible component of the congregation.

Nevertheless I felt satisfied that I have contributed my sincere musical expressions to the cause of the Red Rooster Club Reunion. More importantly, Razak was not disappointed, embarrassed or unhappy.

The performances showcased throughout the night cannot be singled and appraised as one being better than the other, because all of them were simply articulate and original in their forms and presentation.

Being an inaugural revive of the TRRC Reunion, I am very sure that the next event will be even more glamorous and guaranteed worth waiting for with more surprises and participation from the local music performers and artistes.

I would look it up and wait anxiously for the next flight to TRRC Reunion.

Just my 2 sen

Tita Razak

POP AIR OFF THEIR EMPTY HEADS !

My best friend and sister wrote to me today in response to my bursts of disappointment over airs by corporate employees.... I thought I'd like it posted for all to read.

Irena Idris
June 21 at 3:16pm
You mean those air head bitches?! Wanna know how to handle them sweetie..................every time they come close to your face......... just give them your sweetest smile and look em in the eye with that gorgeous smile of yours. Keep to that facial expression every time you come near to these bimbos without class.Later, afterwork if you can find a brick just grab it and throw it down hard to the ground! sure feels good after that! hahaah

Shahidah Mohd Hashim
Today at 11:11am
kahahahaha! I'm glad someone close to me shares the same view...

Irena Idris
Today at 12:53pm
Why do you want to smile your gorgeous sweetest smile at them? Because right down inside, they are teeming with jealousy at anyone who is so sure of themselves and oozing with confidence! Arrogance is just their pitiful facade, because they think the whole world is against them. So to cover their insecurities, they pretend they are above everyone. So break their walls and smile... smiles are great because when we smile, the whole world smiles with you!

Shahidah Mohd Hashim
Today at 1:59pm
Thank you sis...you made my day. If there were only 10 people like you, the world will be a better place to live in !Lots of loveSha

Irena Idris
Today at 2:42pm
You make a marvelloous friend too! I am so lucky!!Stay sweet ok!Lotsa love and lotsa hugsRene

Irena Idris
Today at 2:46pm
Oh and PS.. before i forget...Did anyone ever tell YOU that you have got Class woman!?!Reaaly, everything you've got on you, makes you stand out from the crowd anytime.Believe me.


IT MADE MY DAY! Irena my best friend and sista is a rare breed. One seldom gets a friend like her in this day.....GOD BLESS HER. Everybody, let's smile a lot more

Thank God It's Friday !

Hey everybody…What a beautiful day !

The need to post this issue was immediate for me this morning. It is necessary to get it off my chest…I will post my next chapters later okay.

What can be more difficult than to purse your lips to smile even if it is to the janitor ? Apart from spilling your loosened plaque, you will probably reveal your protruding canines ! It doesn’t even cost you a dime right ?. On the other hand, if the other person smiles back you probably get healed from the mornings PMT !

It's a Friday for God's sake. BE nice and spread the feeling of LOVE. Smile a little will you....!!

My only love, my inspiration, my idol and my heartbreaker….D

I shall not mention him name except refer to him as .. D (siapa makan cili, dia rasa pedas !)

I don’t exactly remember when but I know I was barely 12 when I first caught a glimpse of my dream boy. It was to be that this happened at my beloved Aunt’s and during a cousin’s wedding. I was smitten. I kept asking my other cousins who this is ? From then on, I was just in a daze. Every time he ran by, every time he spoke and with every fleeting glance he gave me, it was a feeling of ultimate bliss. Typical of a young girl in love, my heart would just flip even he is spoken of.

This happened when it was the end of year school holidays. I discovered that he stays in Singapore and he would only be in Malaysia during the term break. The whole week was visits to Gombak for the preparation of the coming wedding. That was the time, I get to see D. Being the nerd I was, we were only communicating through our other cousins. On the nite of the wedding, I was literally in a state of semi conscious coma especially when I saw him in his baju melayu. I decided then that this was the classic ideal man of my dreams; composed, smart and in control. He impressed me of a leader in the making.

From my behavior, by the final nite of the wedding, everyone knew that I had a crush on D. Rare to wedding functions of this age, we had a Joget Lambak session that eventful night! As you can expect, the matchmakers started to concoct the arrangement to have us on the dance floor. He actually danced with me and when it got to waltz I would have gone into a trance…

Again, my fate was to have it that he has to go back from where he came. So aside from being able to speak to each other on the phone, we wrote to each other. I still remember Holland Avenue, where he stayed. During school breaks years after that, we would visit his family. We wrote so frequently that I even write to his sisters and brother. His birthday was a permanent imprint for dates that I am forbidden to forget. I was in love..

Ironically, I never knew if he felt the same. The tone of his letters had always been to the point and very friendly but not suggestive. I never could bring myself to ask but I secretly wished that he was feeling my passion. I was faithfully obsessed with D. I would wait for his letters and every time the postman came and I caught a glimpse of the airmail aerogram my heart would be racing.

The criteria for all the boys I knew and like from this moment on, had to have at least a minimum of three distinct similarities to D. Otherwise, I will not consider having them as my friend. Unrealistic as it seems but that is how it was.

The whole family knew of this affair. Between D and me, it was innocent,(to me not so very) but to the family, it was the subject of gossip on every kenduri get together. Mum knew of this but she preferred to treat it nonchalantly. She didn’t think it will lead to anything. She thought our affair was plutonic.

D was leaving the country to study overseas in England after his Elementary School. I remember and the picture in my mind is still vividly haunting. He was in KL and we chatted on the phone. He expressed his desire to take me for a movie. He spoke of his intentions to mum and assured that it was going to be a no hanky panky date. Mum had him over for dinner one night and somehow after he said his farewell, I waited for that movie date which never materialized. I wondered and he never told me why it was called off. I felt very sad, confused and somewhat betrayed. Even so, I never quite expressed my feelings to D. We still wrote to each other even when he was in England. I think in one of my final letters to him, I braved to ask how he regarded our relationship. I remember distinctively that he wrote back saying, he felt like a brother to me. This shattered me to bits but I never expressed it to anyone except that after this I didn’t quite care who came along and if he was interested, I’d just entertained the relationship like anyone would on a rebound. The mistake was apparent when I concluded my youth by jumping into marriage. At the time, I thought I had fallen in love again…..

D.. wherever you are, this is for you...

To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage… I pray someday I can be loved so deeply that I will ultimately get the courage to be able to firmly profess that I have lived life to its fullest.