Monday, June 23, 2008

POP AIR OFF THEIR EMPTY HEADS !


My best friend and sister wrote to me today in response to my bursts of disappointment over airs by corporate employees.... I thought I'd like it posted for all to read.

Irena Idris
June 21 at 3:16pm
You mean those air head bitches?! Wanna know how to handle them sweetie..................every time they come close to your face......... just give them your sweetest smile and look em in the eye with that gorgeous smile of yours. Keep to that facial expression every time you come near to these bimbos without class.Later, afterwork if you can find a brick just grab it and throw it down hard to the ground! sure feels good after that! hahaah

Shahidah Mohd Hashim
Today at 11:11am
kahahahaha! I'm glad someone close to me shares the same view...

Irena Idris
Today at 12:53pm
Why do you want to smile your gorgeous sweetest smile at them? Because right down inside, they are teeming with jealousy at anyone who is so sure of themselves and oozing with confidence! Arrogance is just their pitiful facade, because they think the whole world is against them. So to cover their insecurities, they pretend they are above everyone. So break their walls and smile... smiles are great because when we smile, the whole world smiles with you!

Shahidah Mohd Hashim
Today at 1:59pm
Thank you sis...you made my day. If there were only 10 people like you, the world will be a better place to live in !Lots of loveSha

Irena Idris
Today at 2:42pm
You make a marvelloous friend too! I am so lucky!!Stay sweet ok!Lotsa love and lotsa hugsRene

Irena Idris
Today at 2:46pm
Oh and PS.. before i forget...Did anyone ever tell YOU that you have got Class woman!?!Reaaly, everything you've got on you, makes you stand out from the crowd anytime.Believe me.


IT MADE MY DAY! Irena my best friend and sista is a rare breed. One seldom gets a friend like her in this day.....GOD BLESS HER. Everybody, let's smile a lot more

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Thank God It's Friday !


Hey everybody…What a beautiful day !

The need to post this issue was immediate for me this morning. It is necessary to get it off my chest…I will post my next chapters later okay.

What can be more difficult than to purse your lips to smile even if it is to the janitor ? Apart from spilling your loosened plaque, you will probably reveal your protruding canines ! It doesn’t even cost you a dime right ?. On the other hand, if the other person smiles back you probably get healed from the mornings PMT !
It's a Friday for God's sake. BE nice and spread the feeling of LOVE. Smile a little will you....!!

My only love, my inspiration, my idol and my heartbreaker….D


I shall not mention him name except refer to him as .. D (siapa makan cili, dia rasa pedas !)

I don’t exactly remember when but I know I was barely 12 when I first caught a glimpse of my dream boy. It was to be that this happened at my beloved Aunt’s and during a cousin’s wedding. I was smitten. I kept asking my other cousins who this is ? From then on, I was just in a daze. Every time he ran by, every time he spoke and with every fleeting glance he gave me, it was a feeling of ultimate bliss. Typical of a young girl in love, my heart would just flip even he is spoken of.

This happened when it was the end of year school holidays. I discovered that he stays in Singapore and he would only be in Malaysia during the term break. The whole week was visits to Gombak for the preparation of the coming wedding. That was the time, I get to see D. Being the nerd I was, we were only communicating through our other cousins. On the nite of the wedding, I was literally in a state of semi conscious coma especially when I saw him in his baju melayu. I decided then that this was the classic ideal man of my dreams; composed, smart and in control. He impressed me of a leader in the making.

From my behavior, by the final nite of the wedding, everyone knew that I had a crush on D. Rare to wedding functions of this age, we had a Joget Lambak session that eventful night! As you can expect, the matchmakers started to concoct the arrangement to have us on the dance floor. He actually danced with me and when it got to waltz I would have gone into a trance…

Again, my fate was to have it that he has to go back from where he came. So aside from being able to speak to each other on the phone, we wrote to each other. I still remember Holland Avenue, where he stayed. During school breaks years after that, we would visit his family. We wrote so frequently that I even write to his sisters and brother. His birthday was a permanent imprint for dates that I am forbidden to forget. I was in love..

Ironically, I never knew if he felt the same. The tone of his letters had always been to the point and very friendly but not suggestive. I never could bring myself to ask but I secretly wished that he was feeling my passion. I was faithfully obsessed with D. I would wait for his letters and every time the postman came and I caught a glimpse of the airmail aerogram my heart would be racing.

The criteria for all the boys I knew and like from this moment on, had to have at least a minimum of three distinct similarities to D. Otherwise, I will not consider having them as my friend. Unrealistic as it seems but that is how it was.

The whole family knew of this affair. Between D and me, it was innocent,(to me not so very) but to the family, it was the subject of gossip on every kenduri get together. Mum knew of this but she preferred to treat it nonchalantly. She didn’t think it will lead to anything. She thought our affair was plutonic.

D was leaving the country to study overseas in England after his Elementary School. I remember and the picture in my mind is still vividly haunting. He was in KL and we chatted on the phone. He expressed his desire to take me for a movie. He spoke of his intentions to mum and assured that it was going to be a no hanky panky date. Mum had him over for dinner one night and somehow after he said his farewell, I waited for that movie date which never materialized. I wondered and he never told me why it was called off. I felt very sad, confused and somewhat betrayed. Even so, I never quite expressed my feelings to D. We still wrote to each other even when he was in England. I think in one of my final letters to him, I braved to ask how he regarded our relationship. I remember distinctively that he wrote back saying, he felt like a brother to me. This shattered me to bits but I never expressed it to anyone except that after this I didn’t quite care who came along and if he was interested, I’d just entertained the relationship like anyone would on a rebound. The mistake was apparent when I concluded my youth by jumping into marriage. At the time, I thought I had fallen in love again…..

D.. wherever you are, this is for you...

To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage… I pray someday I can be loved so deeply that I will ultimately get the courage to be able to firmly profess that I have lived life to its fullest.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Life as a Young Girl, Falling in Love & Going thru Heartbreaks…

Hi, if you have been reading, I hope you enjoyed my postings..

Honestly, I must say I had an eventful teenage life. Even though the journey was restricted and barred, I managed to slip away now and then to experience the adventure to enable me to reminisce and write about it now.

I went through a difficult process getting across my parents from communication breakdown. The gap was apparent even between my sister and brother. I discovered many things out of my own inquisitiveness. Let’s just say I learnt about life through trials and errors. Despite the trials and the errors, I didn’t have to experience life as dramatic as some others and I must acknowledge that I turned out into a better person from what I had gone through.

From the era and times that I came about, I must honestly say, I was quite a rebel; in a gentle way that is. I was always barking about trivial issues. I went through a phase of identity crisis, insecurities, inferiority complex, low self esteem, peer pressure, everything put together.

Let me begin this chapter about my discovery on the Birds & the Bees….

I had my first experience of boys when I was in St. Anne’s Kindergarten. My first crush was my senior. His name was Hafiz. He was such a gentleman as I remember it. We became friends when he braved himself to come up to me only to say, “Hi! My name is Hafiz. Can I have your telephone number ?” So what the heck, I gave it to him. I didn’t expect it but when I got home, he called. So this was the beginning of our telephone chats which led to him asking “Will you be my girlfriend?”! Okay…… so we became boyfriend and girlfriend. This was the memorable part of my childhood; innocent and exciting. It didn’t get anywhere, our friendship that is, because as we left kindergarten into primary, we lost contact. We only found each other later…..

Anyway, like I said, I was inquisitive about the Human Anatomy and Reproduction. Quite persistently, I threw a load of questions for the teachers on these issues. They just didn’t give me the right answers. Mum always told me never to sit too close to a boy. They can give you shingles and if they touch you, you can grow big breasts. Just the mere smell of them will actually make you pregnant let alone hold their hands?????!!!!! Mum was either paranoid or stark raving over-protective !

As it happened, I was to ride the school bus. Can’t recall when but this was the start of my experience with boys ! Never really interest me to get all excited with their presence but given the inhibitions and constant reminders of mum’s warnings, I usually preferred to stay away from them. Our Pakcik Bas Sekolah was always careful not to mix us in his daily schedule. He would somewhat consistently pick us girls, send us home and then do his rounds for the boys. Fate has it that one day, he was running late. Before sending some of the girls which included me, he had to swing by a co-ed school in Jalan Gasing. This was the first time, Norman Nordin rode with us. Pakcik was careful to only let him sit in front with him and not mix him with the girls. It didn’t stop him from teasing us. He was like a monkey on the front seat against the bars separating the other back seats always checking out the girls. He didn’t make it any better if he knew that you were a new addition to the school bus charter. You would be his best target for the day.

I was the shy, quiet, reserved nerd. I would always avoid his gaze and flirting advances but I must admit, I couldn’t resist feeling a wee bit flattered, so I was looking forward to the times he would be in the bus with us. You know, he took advantage of this. He would notice whatever it is that you were holding. If it were even just a half filled plastic of coke that you drank for rest period 3 hours ago, he would seductively plead to you to have a sip !!! I would just get stoned over and by the time I reach home I could have just as well transformed into a statue. Once Norman actually slipped to the back and sat with us! He purposely sat next to me and God I was petrified! The nerve of him really, because he not only put me through a tumultuous feeling of uncontrolled panic from his flirtatious teasing, he actually HELD MY HAND !!!!

By the time, I got down the bus when I reached home, can you imagine how I was. I headed straight into the bathroom, reached out for the antiseptic cleanser and scrubbed both my hands. I took a bath with Dettol and stayed in the bedroom waiting to feel any signs of nausea. For the next few days, I kept checking my abdomen or any signs of fetal movements. Hahahahah, yes, the mum’s warnings actually registered. I was really an idiot !

Many episodes after this, we became friends. We used to chat on the telephone and that became of nothing. There was no news of him till today.

My next episode would be discussed in a special chapter because the journey I took in the episodes from my life after falling in love again since Hafiz is very significant and relative to my adult years and whatever transpired later…

Keep reading..

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Up Close & Personal..Life & Times of Tita

My next chapters..Life as a Teenager, Falling in Love & Going thru Heartbreaks.... keep on reading..

Primary School Adventures

I enjoyed my kindergarten years both in Kien Koh & St Anne’s. Most of my friends from St. Anne’s joined me in Standard One at Assunta Primary. The only memory I have of Standard One was not really pleasant. My class teacher Ms Veni was somewhat like Freddy Krugger to me. The only difference is she went about class with a very long cane. If any of us did anything as much as to make her twitch, it’ll be hell let loose !!!

Although I didn’t have trouble going to school daily, I looked forward to weekends and holidays. So, when it was curfew time, I was the first to celebrate. I picked up reading and writing only after a few semesters but I caught up. The medium of instruction for all subjects at school was English and that did not pose a problem for me as the medium of instruction as home was English. (My mum’s an English Teacher ma…). I picked up the accent when I was in standard three. We were encouraged to speak the Queen’s English and our English teacher would always remind us to listen to the newsreader in English. We were barred from reading comic books or watching cartoons.

I remember a friend in my class who was born without both arms. I didn’t feel so sorry for her as much as I marveled and admired her for her confidence, determination and courage. She stayed on amongst all the other normal children and braved being teased and scorned. She could write and draw with her toes and I can remember her till today. Wherever she is, I wish her every success. Can’t recall her name tho’..

Standard Two was a happier experience and a year of flying color achievement for me. Our class teacher was Sister Theresa. I loved her. I caught up on my reading and became an ardent one at it. I started my collection of paperbacks with Enid Blytton. Between you and me, I still read these books when I have trouble sleeping!!! I started wearing prescription glasses from this year. My interest was focused on languages and art. I enjoyed writing essays and reading poetry. I hated math, physics and chemistry. Didn’t mind Biology..(very inquisitive about reproduction !) For my final exams, I actually came out number 3 in class. Amazing !! I was placed in Standard 3L the following year amidst the whiz kids and intelligent breeds. The same friends I had in the last year somehow decided to change their total outlook and attitude when they were placed in Standard 3L. Our class teacher was Mrs. Foo. Let me describe her…she is a tall lanky female Frankenstein who spoke in monotones and an extreme perfectionist; prim and proper goody-goody nerd. The only thing that interests me about her is her impeccable English and the fact that everyone was drooling to imitate her accent.

My third year of primary school was rigid and regimented. The saddest moment in my third year of primary school was when our classmate Agnes Xavier passed away. I can still remember her. She would have been the beauty with brains and a brilliant scholar. May her soul rest in peace.. I was actually emotionally trodden by this incident. I went for her funeral service at the St. Xavier’s Church. My first and last. May her soul rest in peace..

Toward the end of the year, my achievement after this was average and I was moved to a lower grade class in year 4. I can’t say that anything specific or significant happened. I was active in arts and stage play only in year 5 to 6. I represented the school for badminton and athletics and almost did the same for swimming. I wrote a stage play and directed it for the school’s concert day. This was when I started singing publicly and my talents in acting and writing was actually discovered or rather displayed openly.

Best friends were a privilege to be selected in my time. Believe it or not, mine began with her as a number one enemy. We actually had a schedule for when we wanted to be friends and when we wanted not to be. I began noticing her when she started coming on to me with remarks like, “hey you, why do you always use bombastic words when you talk?” Next she would say, “hey you, why do you like to boast?” I will start to derail her with my defense and then we will start to bicker. Then she will say, “hey, tomorrow we can be friends huh? Today we are not!” Believe me, I still meet ‘Pet’ and we have a good laugh when we reminisce on this. Anyway, as we grew older we stayed the best of friends. Nina was the other soul mate and she is still my close confidante. Both of us have a notorious reputation; both in school and out of school. Nothing criminal but real mischievous…everything from tugging skirts, sneaking out of class, eating in class, climbing trees, clowning around and teasing the other girls and sometimes even the teachers! Our mothers had a tough time with us indeed !

One apparent event during my primary years was the fact that I was drawn to Mandarin Classes as oppose to going for Religious Classes J I actually sneaked into Mandarin Classes or Scripture Class to skip Islamic Religious Class. When I was caught, I dragged myself to join them and gave my Ustazah a real hard time. I reckon it was because I was also having Arabic, Fardu Ain and Quran reading sessions at home already. I have to somehow give credit to my Ustazah anyway for her persistence and patience with me during those times. At the end of the sixth year, I was actually the Ustazah’s favorite student !

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Up Close & Personal..Life & Times of Tita - Chapter One

I was born on the 8th of March 1962 in Parit Buntar Hospital, Perak and registered as Mariah Mohd Hassan. I was told that after 3 days, I was taken away to KL to be adopted as Shahidah Mohd Hashim by my eldest brother whom I grew up to know as my Bapak and his wife Juairiah Md Syed as Mak. I am the youngest of 27 children from two mothers ! As I know it, my biological father was a well respected and known hospital assistant in the district of Parit Buntar, Perak. My mother was his younger wife after his first wife passed on. I have 17 other step siblings from my father’s first marriage to my step mother and 9 siblings from his second wife who is my biological mother. According to the Salsilah keluarga (Family Ancestry Tree), I am a descendant from the communion of two royal families namely from Java and Siam. I do not carry the royal title from the last seven generations as my great grand parents decided to drop using it for reasons only known to them. Nevertheless, I am of blue blood..! Anyway, as I grew up, I was affectionately nicknamed Tita. No reason, and when I asked Bapak, he said it’s your nama ‘manja’. Forty six years now, and I’m still affectionately known to those who are close to me as.. Tita, whilst I am known as Sha to my friends and office colleagues.

As far as my memory can go back, I remember the good days of my childhood from the time I was 5 years old and the house in Pasar Road, KL. I can only relate to my biological parents as as my grand parents as I visit them yearly and I called them Dato Hassan & Tok Chik. It was not revealed to me who I was until I was 13 years.. I never knew of my other siblings except that I would meet them at family functions and I was to call them uncles and aunties.

From my childhood as a 5 year old, I can still recall my police patrol paddle car and 3 ft tall doll “Goldilocks”. The family also had a pet Dalmatian we named “Tessa”. Our neighbors, dad’s close friend Eng Lai, these people are still in my memory as a child. My birthday parties were grand. There was always a special cake with a doll and laced with fresh cream and fondue. When I was twelve we even had the snake charmer.

I grew up to discover that I have an elder sister and brother who were perpetually away in boarding school and overseas. I only get to see them when they get back from wherever they are for their semester breaks. I remember the grand engagement of my sister when she got engaged to Noordin Sopiee (the late Allahyarham Tan Sri Dato’ Dr. Noordin Sopiee). Prior to that, when she got back from England I got the first whiff of the English and western culture. These two were passionate lovers and I witnessed their love affair right through their marriage. My eldest nephew was my playmate. I discovered classical music, my writing flair and the Queen’s English as my major form of communication from the influence and motivation of my beloved brother in law.

My brother Ismail (now YBhg. Dato’ Ismail Mohd Hashim) on the other hand was my living idol. I would wait for him to give me a ride on his bicycle to meet his friends in the neighborhood. When he got older, I waited to ride in his MG sports-car. I get to meet his girlfriends and was most of the time his favorite alibi! When he got home for holidays from Australia, I remember him throwing a grand 21st Bday Party. His was then dating his present wife who was a model. I had a gala time during this party amidst 21 year olds. It was an all nite long dancing rock & roll celebration. He was dubbed the Elvis of the family at the time and you can imagine the music played for the dance floor…Some of his friends of whom I still remember, Wah Chai, Felix and his Australian wife (who always called me “the little small fry”), Abg Karim, Abg Kassim.

I have another sister who is the closest to me since I was three. I was placed in her care when I could no longer share the room with my parents. Occasionally though, I would still sleep walk into my parents bedroom if it wasn’t locked because it was the only room in the house that had a window unit air-condition. Kak Che Mah as she is fondly called, was the younger adopted niece of my mum’s sister. She grew up with our family since she was four. I remember her working with ROTHMANS eversince she graduated from college. I can still recall saying goodbye to her every morning as she leaves for work in her beautiful working frocks and attire complete with can-can inlay and dark glasses. She was the typical 60s working girl of that era. One particular dress that she wore seem to be a permanent imprint in my memory was the one with black & white polka-dots. I am her shadow to this day because she imparted most of her values and principals to me in the absence of mum who was a career lady.

When I was six, we moved to Petaling Jaya and I grew up at No. 7, Lorong 16/3C. Our telephone was then the finger dialing one and I can still remember the number as 561350. This was way back in 1968 when we had our first Phillips TV in black & white.

I went to a Chinese kindergarten for half a year before moving on the St. Anne’s Kindergarten for the next half. I received my primary education at Assunta Primary School, Jalan Templer and elementary education at Assunta Secondary School, Jalan Changgai, Petaling Jaya. During this time until 1979, we were under convent rule and headed by Sister Enda (an Irish nun and missionary).

I remember having started school in standard 1, until 13th May 1969 when we were told that KL was under curfew. It was rather grim then when my dad seemed always to be patrolling with his friends around the neighborhood carrying his pistol and shotgun. I was not allowed to even leave the house. Somehow, I enjoyed it because school holidays seemed to be forever..

Dad specially constructed a Wendy House for me, made out of real wood, fibre board and plaster ceiling complete with roof tiles and concrete flooring where I housed my collection of dolls and toys. It was furnished with curtains, electrical fittings and even a small dressing table with a small mirror on top of it. Surrounding the Wendy House was my very own potted plants and a little garden patch. It was literally my very own little bungalow plot. He only thing that was missing was the swimming pool !!! This was a great get-away hideout for me and a secret seven clubhouse for me and my friends. My childhood friends in the same neighborhood were, as I can remember them, Mrs Ishi’s daughter (obviously, I’ve forgotten her name), Rozy, Azah, Liza, Julia & Juria, Anis, Farhah and Farah. My first get-away vehicle was my trusty Chopper bicycle, one that I would sometimes ride as far as section 22. It had a padded back rest and was always shining and spotlessly polished. Don’t I sound like that spoilt brat…



My first local reality tv that was a hit in the family was following through the heats, semi final and finals of BAKAT TV in 1971. I was 8 then and by the time the finals was held live at Dewan Tunku Cansellor, only my brother and sister gets to go. I was left at home to watch it in Black & White with dad and mum.

My favorite pastime was listening to music and playing on the piano (when my sister was not home that is). My dad bought a hi fi set with a long playing record turn table and we both would have a collection of LPs on all music genre. I particularly liked Pop & R&B. Olivia Newton John, Barbra Streisand, Irene Cara, Diana Ross, Earth Wind & Fire, Chicago, were some of my favorites to name a few.

No. 7 Lorong 16/3C was a bungalow at the end of the road adjacent to the boys’ dormitory of Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia in the 70s. You can imagine how much attention I had whenever I strolled in the garden as a young sweet thing. Mum’s garden was a paradise filled with orchids akin to an orchard. One of my daily chores was to water the plants and much to my delight, I would oblige ever so persistently every morning and evening. The boys at the dorm will wait for that moment when this young teenage girl would actually adorn the garden doing her gardening chores (yes, I was that popular pretty young girl of 16/3C). The dorm balcony will be on a full house frenzy and that’s when you will hear the cheers and wolf whistles until my mum comes out holding the broom in her hand and they’ll be scattering helter-scelter into their rooms. Being an English and a Domestic Science teacher and principal of Pusat Latihan Wanita that she is, one day, she decided to write to the university complaining about the boys. She suggested that the dormitories be transferred into a girls’ dormitory. Thank god when the University actually did, I was already engaged to be married. Honestly, I enjoyed the attention and I felt like the princess in the tower whenever I was released from imprisonment !!! They were my shining knights in armor !!!

Mum and dad were always at work and I was left with the maid or sometimes alone in the big house. I would run the house down with music singing along or banging on the piano with some compositions that never got near to being produced. Somehow, my neighbors who meet me now, still remember and they talk about it not believing the person I have turned out to be. They expected me to turn into a wild cat, too modern for prudent ways. On the contrary, despite being given all of the luxuries of life, I was really taught the values of having it all. Despite being over protected, I was really given the privilege of freedom but occasionally pulled on the leash so I can understand my limitations. I was taught never to abuse it and in all of my life throughout my childhood, being polite, courteous and respectful for the elders is of prime importance. Etiquette, grooming and manners are an exercise to be strictly adhered to. When eating, when playing, when talking, when sitting, when in public and even when mingling with the family or when writing in letters, we were taught always to be on guard and to mind our Ps and Qs.

This is the first chapter of my life. If you like my story, I will continue to write my 2nd chapter..

Monday, June 2, 2008

Humble Beginnings..

I am new at this blog post thingy. I shall have to get inspired to start on an article. Give me a day to get kickstarted. So much to say but too excited to get it all down at one go...

The discovery of this site is a good way to keep me less stressed. I love to write. I am going to do just that from now.

Don't really care if anyone reads but I am bound to find someone interested in my expressions.

Look out for my blogs.. as they call it...!

Just me,
Tita