As per the calendar it would be exactly 31 days since you left us, a good full moon/month. You would be exact 3 yrs 19 days today since your last birthday on the 8th July 2011.
We miss you Abang…
It has come to dawn on us if we could have done better in terms of giving you the extension of time to survive longer than had been anticipated by the medical world. We are starting to feel guilty. I wonder if anyone could comfort us over this. We know only God knows the underlying truth of your illness, the treatments given and why you suddenly left us. Yes, we have to relent and we keep telling ourselves this. We try to console ourselves that we have done the best. All this battle of feelings we breezed through and it was easier in the first week. It doesn’t get any easier the next week and after or now. It gets to the core of the heart, pinching the very nerves of our living being as we come to terms of the reality of your moving on and eternal departure. We have to live through this pain for as long as before our time is up. The waiting is longer as we anticipate the Day of Judgment before we will know if we can see you at all.
Every possible question comes up to us in the most quaint manner as in.. Abang :
Where are you now ?
What are you doing?
Do you remember to come see us sometimes or are you too preoccupied with all the happiness and love you are getting from the after world and His Al Mighty ?
Would you pray for us?
Would you remember us?
All this and more…
Every nook and corner, every resemblance from the genes you inherit, brings about shock tremors to our heart and memory of you. How do we recover from this? It’s so easy for everyone to say, “Be strong, relent and say a prayer “. It doesn’t quite heal save for that moment. The feeling of knowing that we have lost you all comes rushing back and we can’t resist the insurgent rush of emotions. Crying is the only reflex we have been born to express ourselves with and relieve ourselves from the unexplained craving over our loss of you.
I personally sent you off and I imagined you on the colorful tribute balloon. You smiled at us and said your farewell to your favorite Aunt in a manner most could not have imagined to be true, but you did. If there was a way we could turn back the hands of time or go into a time machine to just be with you a little while longer, we would strive to enable that.
We just have to go on praying that you are in a better place amidst saints, angels and the presence of Allah enjoying eternal happiness and joy.
Al Fatihah..
In the name of god, the most beneficent, the most merciful
All appreciation, gratefulness and thankfulness are to Allah alone, lord of the worlds
The most beneficent, the most merciful
The possessor of the day of recompense (i.e., on the last day of judgment)
You we worship, and you we seek help
Direct all of us to the straight path (i.e., to the way of Islam)
The way of those on whom you have bestowed your grace, not the way of those who have earned your anger, nor of those who have lost their way and are astray
1 comment:
Dear Tita,
I have only met Rafael once and I still recall how brave was his smile even though he was in pain. There is no second guessing what has happened, there is no turning back the clock.
Know that you did the best you could with what you had and what you knew. Hindsight may be 20/20 but always hold close the memory of your love for him, and how much he was loved and cherished.
InsyaAllah one day your family will be reunited in the Hereafter, and you would see Rafael with great joy and no sadness. Hold tight that he is no longer suffering and is in the embrace of the All Loving, All Merciful.
*hugs*
--Suzainur
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