I shall not mention him name except refer to him as .. D (siapa makan cili, dia rasa pedas !)
I don’t exactly remember when but I know I was barely 12 when I first caught a glimpse of my dream boy. It was to be that this happened at my beloved Aunt’s and during a cousin’s wedding. I was smitten. I kept asking my other cousins who this is ? From then on, I was just in a daze. Every time he ran by, every time he spoke and with every fleeting glance he gave me, it was a feeling of ultimate bliss. Typical of a young girl in love, my heart would just flip even he is spoken of.
This happened when it was the end of year school holidays. I discovered that he stays in Singapore and he would only be in Malaysia during the term break. The whole week was visits to Gombak for the preparation of the coming wedding. That was the time, I get to see D. Being the nerd I was, we were only communicating through our other cousins. On the nite of the wedding, I was literally in a state of semi conscious coma especially when I saw him in his baju melayu. I decided then that this was the classic ideal man of my dreams; composed, smart and in control. He impressed me of a leader in the making.
From my behavior, by the final nite of the wedding, everyone knew that I had a crush on D. Rare to wedding functions of this age, we had a Joget Lambak session that eventful night! As you can expect, the matchmakers started to concoct the arrangement to have us on the dance floor. He actually danced with me and when it got to waltz I would have gone into a trance…
Again, my fate was to have it that he has to go back from where he came. So aside from being able to speak to each other on the phone, we wrote to each other. I still remember Holland Avenue, where he stayed. During school breaks years after that, we would visit his family. We wrote so frequently that I even write to his sisters and brother. His birthday was a permanent imprint for dates that I am forbidden to forget. I was in love..
Ironically, I never knew if he felt the same. The tone of his letters had always been to the point and very friendly but not suggestive. I never could bring myself to ask but I secretly wished that he was feeling my passion. I was faithfully obsessed with D. I would wait for his letters and every time the postman came and I caught a glimpse of the airmail aerogram my heart would be racing.
The criteria for all the boys I knew and like from this moment on, had to have at least a minimum of three distinct similarities to D. Otherwise, I will not consider having them as my friend. Unrealistic as it seems but that is how it was.
The whole family knew of this affair. Between D and me, it was innocent,(to me not so very) but to the family, it was the subject of gossip on every kenduri get together. Mum knew of this but she preferred to treat it nonchalantly. She didn’t think it will lead to anything. She thought our affair was plutonic.
D was leaving the country to study overseas in England after his Elementary School. I remember and the picture in my mind is still vividly haunting. He was in KL and we chatted on the phone. He expressed his desire to take me for a movie. He spoke of his intentions to mum and assured that it was going to be a no hanky panky date. Mum had him over for dinner one night and somehow after he said his farewell, I waited for that movie date which never materialized. I wondered and he never told me why it was called off. I felt very sad, confused and somewhat betrayed. Even so, I never quite expressed my feelings to D. We still wrote to each other even when he was in England. I think in one of my final letters to him, I braved to ask how he regarded our relationship. I remember distinctively that he wrote back saying, he felt like a brother to me. This shattered me to bits but I never expressed it to anyone except that after this I didn’t quite care who came along and if he was interested, I’d just entertained the relationship like anyone would on a rebound. The mistake was apparent when I concluded my youth by jumping into marriage. At the time, I thought I had fallen in love again…..
D.. wherever you are, this is for you...
To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage… I pray someday I can be loved so deeply that I will ultimately get the courage to be able to firmly profess that I have lived life to its fullest.
I don’t exactly remember when but I know I was barely 12 when I first caught a glimpse of my dream boy. It was to be that this happened at my beloved Aunt’s and during a cousin’s wedding. I was smitten. I kept asking my other cousins who this is ? From then on, I was just in a daze. Every time he ran by, every time he spoke and with every fleeting glance he gave me, it was a feeling of ultimate bliss. Typical of a young girl in love, my heart would just flip even he is spoken of.
This happened when it was the end of year school holidays. I discovered that he stays in Singapore and he would only be in Malaysia during the term break. The whole week was visits to Gombak for the preparation of the coming wedding. That was the time, I get to see D. Being the nerd I was, we were only communicating through our other cousins. On the nite of the wedding, I was literally in a state of semi conscious coma especially when I saw him in his baju melayu. I decided then that this was the classic ideal man of my dreams; composed, smart and in control. He impressed me of a leader in the making.
From my behavior, by the final nite of the wedding, everyone knew that I had a crush on D. Rare to wedding functions of this age, we had a Joget Lambak session that eventful night! As you can expect, the matchmakers started to concoct the arrangement to have us on the dance floor. He actually danced with me and when it got to waltz I would have gone into a trance…
Again, my fate was to have it that he has to go back from where he came. So aside from being able to speak to each other on the phone, we wrote to each other. I still remember Holland Avenue, where he stayed. During school breaks years after that, we would visit his family. We wrote so frequently that I even write to his sisters and brother. His birthday was a permanent imprint for dates that I am forbidden to forget. I was in love..
Ironically, I never knew if he felt the same. The tone of his letters had always been to the point and very friendly but not suggestive. I never could bring myself to ask but I secretly wished that he was feeling my passion. I was faithfully obsessed with D. I would wait for his letters and every time the postman came and I caught a glimpse of the airmail aerogram my heart would be racing.
The criteria for all the boys I knew and like from this moment on, had to have at least a minimum of three distinct similarities to D. Otherwise, I will not consider having them as my friend. Unrealistic as it seems but that is how it was.
The whole family knew of this affair. Between D and me, it was innocent,(to me not so very) but to the family, it was the subject of gossip on every kenduri get together. Mum knew of this but she preferred to treat it nonchalantly. She didn’t think it will lead to anything. She thought our affair was plutonic.
D was leaving the country to study overseas in England after his Elementary School. I remember and the picture in my mind is still vividly haunting. He was in KL and we chatted on the phone. He expressed his desire to take me for a movie. He spoke of his intentions to mum and assured that it was going to be a no hanky panky date. Mum had him over for dinner one night and somehow after he said his farewell, I waited for that movie date which never materialized. I wondered and he never told me why it was called off. I felt very sad, confused and somewhat betrayed. Even so, I never quite expressed my feelings to D. We still wrote to each other even when he was in England. I think in one of my final letters to him, I braved to ask how he regarded our relationship. I remember distinctively that he wrote back saying, he felt like a brother to me. This shattered me to bits but I never expressed it to anyone except that after this I didn’t quite care who came along and if he was interested, I’d just entertained the relationship like anyone would on a rebound. The mistake was apparent when I concluded my youth by jumping into marriage. At the time, I thought I had fallen in love again…..
D.. wherever you are, this is for you...
To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage… I pray someday I can be loved so deeply that I will ultimately get the courage to be able to firmly profess that I have lived life to its fullest.
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